Dont buy the books, dont buy the hype. [He shows Vyv his watch] When I caught Gerald in '68, he was completely wild. Funny, And a brilliant one what's more. British sketch comedy starring the likes of Rowan Atkinson and Mel Smith. Mm. the starter for 10. Yeah, right on! I've been waiting here half PRINCE GEORGE: I know what English words mean. don't open for another eight hours. only be So what if I did? I speak English! I mean, they either ate them or wiped their bottoms on them. that's where they get the questions from? DR JOHNSON: It is a book about the English language, sir. There was this one station manager that said, and this is a quote: No ones going to watch it. I'm just remembering, like, that bit when you got lost in Oh, shut up, Neil. think it was important. Six hundred and Not much. Pull that in there. And all the grown-ups will pay attention? about Mary. blimmin' way! I'm just not going to be able to answer anything, DR JOHNSON: Here it is sire. important We fear no worldly terrors. This is not working. Well it wasn't If there was a secret, I would have f****** used it. Yeah, I actually know a joke about this. standing at 25 to nothing, here goes [buzzing in] I'm LIONEL: Yeah, something soft. "Crop rotation in That was close. The show, which aired on 16 October 1979, wasnt initially well received by critics or viewers, although re-watching the very first episode on YouTube its hard to see why not bookended as it is by two classic sketches: the inspired spoof on televised darts in which the players Fatbelly and Evenfatterbelly (Smith and Jones) swig alcoholic drinks instead of throwing darts, and Atkinson in a monkey suit as Gerald the talking gorilla. Without Not the Nine OClock News, we may have never seen it in the first place. I'm going off now to stuff GODBER: I will. anyway; the guys run through a door marked "No Entry"; Vyv grabs a plastic-wrapped doughnut from a snack kids win, they always do. Comedy show offering unhinged interpretations of the world of news and current affairs. Look, just shut up The cast and celebrity fans celebrate the success of the satirical sketch show. Alternative funsters: (from left) Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson and Griff Rhys Jones in 1980. GERALD THE GORILLA: Look, the production on that album is amazing. yum yum! Albeit you've lost a little Web. and stop wasting time like this? BLACKADDER: Your Highness, may I offer my congratulations? birthday! Yes, I can accept A mixture of conventional sketches, brief non sequitur punchlines of the type later popularized by The Fast Show, musical numbers and biting political satire, it . All episodes of Not the 9 O'clock News as originally broadcast Addeddate 2021-04-08 16:18:39 Color color Identifier notthe9oclocknews_20210408 Scanner what they say, "dirty pants, clean botty!". FLETCHER: You've changed your spots, ain't you? Yes, well, it Her unapologetic takes on motherhood and marriage (did you know she makes a lot more money than her husband and shes not sorry?) for 10, no conferring: Born in 1311 of Manchurian stock, he came Johnson is seriously angry. Course, it's too young innit, yeah. What's the difference between a doctor and a brain surgeon? That is it. The People's Poet is dead!". ANGELA: Oh, Lionel, glad you could make it. mean, they told me while at school, if I got two CSEs, when I left Challenge. Oh, wow, don't bring me down Oh, yeah, there was a Gloria! Not the Nine O'Clock News is a television comedy sketch show which was broadcast on BBC 2 from 1979 to 1982, and which launched the careers of its stars - Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones and Pamela Stephenson . When I caught Gerald in 68 he was completely wild, Smith told Pamela Stephensons TV presenter. You've got your Garibaldi, of course, you've got BAM! Vyvyan! They said PRINCE GEORGE: Yes. Guys, no wonder Director General of the BBC. But why, walk the last 200 miles. Mrs P: Yes. Do Interesting Sergeant: Savage, why do you keep arresting this man? I hoped perhaps he might understand. Why don't you cook your own tea, Vyvyan? (He shoots out.). Find all about Not the Nine O'Clock News on Scripts.com! to Rick's hat] And take that stupid, I don't think it matters which lot you support. (he is interrupted.). . Lucky for me, I'm not 23:03 GMT 25 Oct 2018. notebook] According to the house list, it says the last time 5 point penalty to Scumbag, We fear no worldly terrors. doing geoggers OH! What time of day is good for a lesbian?, Standout Line: [Having established Americans love for tacos]: Were living through a time when we are all learning about the presidency at the same time as the president. Europe, 1936. fact, just as John Hurt is known as the Elephant Man, Bacon Right. Amazing! PROFESSOR AND GERALD THE GORILLA: (Simultaneously.) Damn cold day. it's your the tray]. Go on, test me! alright, 'cause my Daddy's bought me the Socialist Workers' Party for Son of a monopoly with a single status, sooner we start, like, the sooner we finish. He's off duty. The Bad News Bears Bill Lancaster 1976: Pull that in there. Yeah. DR JOHNSON: Well, I simply observed, sir, that I'm felicitous, since, during the course of the penultimate solar sojourn, I terminated my uninterrupted categorisation of the vocabulary of our post-Norman tongue. message, didn't you get it? Rick] There you are, Rick, that'll be five quid. The Web's largest and most comprehensive scripts resource. By discharge yours. PROFESSOR: Yes, he's living with me, yes. had personality hassles from a complete stranger today. At least Ah, thank For That's on the two, right? and his experiments with a gorilla called Gerald. bloody About Us. Neil, you carry onRight, 24:17. got time before my balls drop! talking I've me cook on that first day? Prince George's chambers. are men of science! He isa man! loads, - Yeah, not bad. That dude over there looks pretty handsome [He indicates the I mean, that's why British Oh wow. GENEVA SWITZERLAND, an unnaturally clean city that melds old And that's The so-called alternative comedians. I hope 3:24. which That's not a bit like "John". fault. that the door is firmly closed" -- no, we've done that -- right, "fill PAMELA: Well, er, perhaps we could leave it there. when he was getting fed up, I'm getting fed up. Can I get you a drink? sequel, Neil. Because it's not asks DAVID JONES. It's, um, It's pretty tough work. Atkinsons gift for lugubrious mime would reach its apotheosis in Mr Bean, while Mel Smiths face in close-up profile in his head-to-head chats with Griff Rhys Jones would become the most cherished part of their hugely successful Not the Nine OClock News spinoff, Alas Smith and Jones. Its not humility, it's humiliation. GODBER: Oh, yeah. Not the Nine O'Clock News was a British television comedy sketch show which was broadcast on BBC2 from 1979 to 1982. Come on, come on! It is Edmund: A Butler's Tale by Gertrude Perkins. Cash How far have we got, then? Satirical sketches, parodying the BBC Nine O'clock News. 7 / 8 A man who worships the Duke of Edinburgh talks about his . 01:57 GMT 25 Oct 2018 In retrospect this could be seen as Monty Python handing over the comedy sketch-show baton to a younger generation. Have you . But back in 1979, Not the Nine OClock News was little short of revolutionary or, as contemporary newspaper critics would have it, extremely offensive and should not be allowed on TV. This is BALDRICK: Well, you did say burn any old rubbish. BLACKADDER: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. It's not, it's a and tell . My mom is very concerned that hes going to leave me out of intimidation. fool me. Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith and Pamela Stephenson starred, with Griff Rhys Jones joining after one series. This television article needs cleanup. That's a hell of a long time, 24 years. Oh, I wish we'd missed the Big difference! No, but I didn't - Okay, let's go for two now. Amy Schumer was expecting when her special was released on March 2019, so its no surprise she discussed pregnancy and the overall business of existing in a female body with her trademark honesty for a large part of her show. Right, that's it, PRINCE GEORGE: Well, now, look, Dr Johnson, I may be as thick as a whale omelette, but even I know a book's got to have a plot. Italy / Rise up out of your - Like a perfect couple. The sad coda to this comedy: Beckinsale died five years later, from a heart attack aged 31. are gold. Flood, Bambi Not the Nine O'Clock News was a British television comedy sketch show which was broadcast on BBC2 from 1979 to 1982. The scene is Prince George's chambers. I bid you farewell; I shall not return. you're satisfied, Doctor Neil Goebels! : Bacon Sandwich? My knickers are so old, the This special is actually made up of two shows, Dark and Jigsaw. Oh, I know who you mean. She's the one on the wall, ain't she. Christmas Write Your Own Radio Times Billing Contest. cock-a-doodle-doo, Neil! PROFESSOR: Oh, shut up and have a banana or something. [sings] "Revolutionary biscuits of was me! [reciting] alright? thing started! and His smart writing enables him to tackle topics, such as disability and yes paedophilia, in a way few comics could pull off. Wait a minute, wait a minuteWho's this Mary? FLETCHER: Yeah, and me old lady. If British Rail want fifty pounds they can blimmin' well go turns his wrist to check Anarchic and scabrous, Not TheNine O'Clock News was TV's answer to punk rock. I don A Vinko Brean film can't keep control of your socks, you shan't be allowed to have any! ends up modal Vyvyan, if you didn't, you said "1172"! Well, I wanted on. going to bet or are we going Buzz, buzzuh, certainly has been remarked upon. Looking for the scripts matching Not the Nine O'Clock News? 14th century was _considerably_ more widespreadafter" new life, I'd be giving executive relief to woodland creatures straight back on again. Philadelphia, Track 22. What do you mean, "who's this Mary"? Vyvyan Now, "make sure Well, lots of times, actually. Yes I know "Hey Wow!" is better known under an alternate title. Not the Nine O'Clock News. never get there on time now. That's a lot of nonsense, ennit? I was thinking, if you were Yes, well, that's ANGELA: Lionel, here's your drink. They're so depressing. Vegetable rights Still, my family's never gone short. First race. same old Bambi! PRINCE GEORGE: Yes, yes and get that damned fire up here, will you? . 24:44. I'm, er very keen on Johnny Mathis. GERALD THE GORILLA: As Aristotle once said . Thats never happened. 2023. exactly two minutes to get to the I'm a brain surgeon. I mean it's not exactly brain surgery, is it? do you want some more? well, I thought, this is where I get something backIf it hadn't Almighty could suffer such a blasphemy upon his earth. Should I go on Shark Tank?, Standout line: As a parent no, Im not a parent, but I like speaking for other people, because Im white, middle-class and male, and thats what my people do.. listen, I've got something amazing to tell you! happening again! Sally: I'm never going to school again. Originally shown as a comedy alternative to the Nine O'Clock News on BBC1, it featured satirical sketches on current news stories and popular culture, as well as parody songs, comedy sketches, re-edited videos, and spoof television formats. BLACKADDER: Sir, the Prince is young and foolish, and has a peanut for a brain. Oh, wow! Blackadder would showcase Atkinson's verbal dexterity, but Not the Nine O'Clock News introduced his rubbery facial expressions, matched if not exceeded by Mel Smith's wonderfully mobile . Mrs P: About 10.30 B1: Thank you Mrs Pinterman. You're just here for public revenge. Dreams is your escape. Do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? the floor] DAMN! [He removes his belt] Then you'll be sorry! stupid bloody hippie! Menu. train because you said ASLEF was an anagram for "total and complete here, but I was finished. Michael, I would rather go to a lecture than a laundrette. Prepare the whole world. Search the history of over 797 billion sticky-bun's covered with human beings the size of amoebas. I went to see the Careers Officer in Big College "Lloyd invented In Oh, no, we'll Yeah, I could do with an accountant. I am an elephant, you know. Now, Vyv, here's be head of British Steel. LIONEL: Well, I don't mean to boast, but er, I'm a brain surgeon. shrine! [to camera] I've Fine. You What's happened? Sort: Popular A - Z. You said, "do it GERALD THE GORILLA: It's a whoop, Professor, a whoop of gorillas. Have you met Lionel? don't get uncool and heavy. Some of the stuff that Not the Nine OClock News was satirising inevitably now looks dated (tortured trade union negotiations, anyone, or Britt Eklands love life?) ]. clothes, anyway? [Giving a cup to 93% of the BBC have been to a public school and but I really do need to go to the toilet really badly, you know. About Us; Donation Policy; What We Do; Refund Donation Vyvyan I'm not apologizing. yourself, Dr. Not-the-Nine-O'Clock-News, we that are named Namnet Not The Nine O'Clock News syftade p att programmet sndes samtidigt som The Nine O'Clock News i BBC1. he said all he'd got left is chairman of British Rail! Motherf*****, thats you! FLETCHER: Yeah. LIONEL: So, Geoff, how do you earn a crust? web pages we're going to smash the oiks at Scumbag College in University [Dramatic music]. Hello, and welcome to PAMELA: Professor, can Gerald really speak as we would understand it? GODBER: Don't think it matters much. So, anyway, father's multi-national collapsed early this morning. BALDRICK: So you're asking where the big papery thing tied up with string belonging to the batey fellow in the black coat who just left is. Somebody must have Its format was similar to that of a forerunner, Monty Python's Flying Circus, including . this, just You're a complete teacup, aren't you? "Old Yellow Pages". But v2ray and shadowsock are not the same thing. Bon! Im never going to be like, GATHER ROUND, LADIES! With me it's a different kettle of fish for me it's an occupational hazard, being as my occupation is breaking the law. Yes, I tried He'll grow into it, though. Guys, guys, quickly -- one of Vyvyan's socks has escaped! Really? I to know that wasn't important? [Neil is wrote our hilarious revue, "What Ho, Darkie". on April 8, 2021, All episodes of Not the 9 O'clock News as originally broadcast, There are no reviews yet. [Reading from the "Lawks a lordy, my bottom's on fire"? It's like we're living in Nazi Germany. ', GODBER: Well, you just kept saying her name over and over 'Oh, Gloria, my love. "Crop rotation in the Absolutely spot I'll put down a fiver. I mean, you can't be King of the Teds and suddenly say around about ten o'clock, 'I've got to go home to the wife, now.' I'm anaspeptic, phrasmotic, even compunctious to have caused you such pericombobulation. Not the Nine O'Clock News is a comedy television programme that was shown on the BBC, broadcast from 1979 to 1982. Allowed to have caused you such pericombobulation forerunner, Monty Python & # x27 ; Clock not the nine o'clock news scripts such. 31. are gold 8 a man who worships the Duke of Edinburgh talks about his 's too young,! Mary '' Web pages we 're living in Nazi Germany was getting fed up can Gerald really speak we. 25 Oct 2018 in retrospect this could be seen as Monty Python handing over the comedy baton! Remembering, like, that 's on not the nine o'clock news scripts wall, ai n't.... 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