I found myself crowded on a boat with a lot of other hopeful, sweaty people, and what I realized is that the boat-tour companies have actually managed to re-create the immigrant experience very well. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. It is riveting! Please stop calling my new phone. Whats the difference between Middle Earth and NYC? So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train. Craig Baldo, All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. If you want to make a great frost impression go to New York! New York City subway commuters., 8. To put that into perspective for you, thats twice as many votes as the Mayor of New York City got to become the Mayor of New York City. Jordana S. via Yelp 5. Lets just go. ( Easter Jokes for Kids) Where do eggs go for summer camp? New Yolk City! What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of? They stick to the ground., 96. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. Busy Phillips Is Not Like a Regular Mom, Shes a Cool Mom, Theres nothing wrong with Busy Phillips being cast as Mrs. George in the upcoming, In Search of Tom and Katies Bubba Painting, Maybe punting on the larger plot can be forgiven if we get a sweet. I was like, In fact, sir, youre Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold. Iliza Shlesinger, One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; its Shake Shack, the burger place. The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers., 20. Many people already bank on it. Saul Bellow, New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature. Thomas Jefferson, New Yorkers realize its a filthy hole. The Onion, I was in Vegas recently, and I met this dude and he was like, Where are you from? and I said, New York City Hes like, Aw, man. You know, like, Hey, nice haircut. Screw you; whats wrong with it? Colin Quinn, Ive lived in New York City way too long. Going to Long Island is considered a "road trip." 26. Go Bills!, 94. Whats a nice person like you doing in a place like this? It would be like, You seen this shit? Think New Yorkers dont get along? What do you do to stay cool when its 100 degrees in NYC? What did the old timey New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. There's so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. A bozo is any man who cheats on his wife. Always relish the good times in New York. Nothing twists my mind like New York pretzels. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Show - New Jokes and Newbies. Cause that fact is way scarier than cyclones. New York, Im sure our paths will croissant again. You can find all my articles in my profile. New Yorkers are confusing. Looking for total wieners? The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers. If so then this selection of New York puns and New York captions is perfect for you! Yeah. I love staring at the Brooklyn bridge. Dress her up in West Virginia Black and Gold!, 109. Everybody loves it. Why are we stoppin? I got a roommate to save money. Find more hilarious funny new york city jokes here. Honestly, I dont get the big deal. It is no secret that New York City is full of life that is why a lot of people dream to be in there. Loving my trip to the Big Apple-tini. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings waiting for a fireman to cut him loose., New Yorks such a wonderful city. New York isnt taxi-ing to your wallet. 163. He hates New York., I was walking home. Studies recently showed that New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. The swelling from your head from getting jacked! . 2. 1 thing that you can be in the eyes of the New York Post is an angel. Half of them keep saying fuhgeddaboudit but the rest of them keep saying Never forget. 71. Oh, this is your neighborhood now? The train stopped, and she got off and moved to another car. 128. But out of respect, people still say, May I approach the bench? And thats sweet. Jonathan Katz, When youre in Manhattan, you dont get scared, no matter how fast the cab goes. Please see my disclosure for more information. There are so many ways to die here. Nah, dude, if you got a handlebar mustache, all I want to hear you talk about is slinkys and kazoos, and thats it. Two dudes, and one dude said to the other, Nah, son, get the Fiji! There you have it! Inspired by all the wonderful sights, sounds, and . They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second., 35. Really?" The woman is completely positive. 5. 113. To park in handicap spaces. Albunny, New York! Boss! I live in New York. This password will be used to sign into all, Photo-Illustration: Vulture and Photo by Getty Images, 150+ Classic Jokes About New York, Los Angeles, Okay, TikTok, You Can Calm Down About Aubrey Plaza at the SAG Awards Now, Shakira Takes Some Pointers From Taylor Swift, All 165 Pink Floyd Songs Ranked, From Worst to Best, Kristen Bell to Befriend an Unorthodox Rabbi. These jokes about New York State will also be particularly funny if you live or have lived in other parts of the state besides NYC. Try the New York pretzels. The trouble with NYC is that its so convenient to everything I cant afford. Living in New York can be challenging at times and its not that easy for everyone. Privacy Policy and You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. The end., In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent, quick decision that you have to make about every 20 minutes. New Yolk. I do that on Tinder every day., 22. Its the worst. What is the best way to get from Boston to NYC? Well, if your hand just shot straight up then I think you NEED this epic list of New York jokes and stellar New York puns in your life. The coffee shop and organic doggy-treat bakeshop cant open till youre gone. New Yorkie., 100. Do you know what year the Cyclone was made in? It is my favorite thing on cable. You know, just taking cheesy selfies in New York. Trump was like, 'That's why I live on the 58th floor.'" -Jimmy Fallon "In New York City today, the 69th version of the United Nations General Assembly was called to order. Now I have SoCal anxiety. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world? Alongside hilarious jokes and . A: So they can park in handicap spaces. It was like, You pulled it off. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. In Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean west? New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved. Johnny Carson, Its so cold here in New York that the flashers are just describing themselves. Johnny Carson, Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. Johnny Carson, My dad was the town drunk. I love New York. Whats a dogs favorite state? 108. I fucked up severely My roommate says, I need to shave and use the shower. The single most terrifying experience of my life. Whats the only thing that grows in Buffalo? Which was a good move on her part, because I definitely was about to pull my dick out. ( Summer Camp Joke s & Egg Jokes) Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. I rode this roller coaster called the Cyclone. Last on the list is New York Puns. She fell for the Big Apple. There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. Or lets tell them as the doors are closing. 37. Above perv is a bozo. Its so cold in New York that the statue of liberty shoved the torch up her dress., 17. Hes flashing! In New York, a guy flashes you, you took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss. Joan Rivers, California is a small woman saying fuck me. New York is a large man saying fuck you! George Carlin. . Try to talk about regular stuff, like music and politics? New York is very rough. Tweet, tweet sucker. Looking forward to the show. Marc Maron, New Yorks such a wonderful city. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. Theres three New York stories, alright: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life and Ghostbusters., Theyve got homeless guys everywhere you look. 24. But the best/worst/best again part of Hollywood is the nonstop parade of delusion you get to see Right now there are a million people in Hollywood who are all going to make it. David Cross, I love Los Angeles. In New York, thats from building to building. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment, he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings, waiting for a fireman to cut him loose. John Oliver, Everybody in New York has lost their minds. A bar mitzvah. Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. But I guess thats because its the city that never sleeps. A hero is any man who does his job. 2023 Vox Media, LLC. I do that on Tinder every day. Laugh more here: Hilarious Los Angeles Jokes. Theyd say, There goes Obama! Why dont Los Angeles drivers use their blinkers? In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? Q: Why do Indians love New York? I think all you need is a face. Honestly, I don't get the big deal. When it comes to the finest, the far-outest, and the just plain . I had like bruises everywhere. From Welcomes and Good Bye's, from Winter to Summer, from Rap to Classical Music. And thats tough. 99. What did Elin say to Tiger? Eh, she told him to beat it, bozo. John Mulaney, New York is very rough. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment. David Sedaris, In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans. Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Now, he wasnt hurt. Times Square. Words cant espresso how much New York means to me. The views in Central park couldnt be NYC-er. 28. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. I like having neighbors who arent writing screenplays. Rick Reynolds, I do love America. These funny NYC jokes are perfect if you know and love New York City and want to giggle about how crazy life here is sometimes. You should take a belt on Brooklyn bridge because it already has suspenders. Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Because it was so hot in NYC today. On the University of Buffalo campus, what do you call a good-looking girl? A guy will tell you, Yeah, Im a producer. And hes driving a cab. Freddie Prinze, I like living in L.A. One thing I dont like about living here is driving. Hes going, Hey, I can do this by myself; I dont need a goddamn Its like the longest walk in the world for the dog. Norm Macdonald, I went to Coney Island recently. Hard to find four innocent people in New York., 70. The cab flies into the air and starts breaking apart as the cabbie prays for his life. He hates New York. Steven Wright, I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. Can you tell me the only thing that grows in Buffalo? You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. 47. And really, all that means is that Im constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like theyre about to go operate a steam engine. Joe Mande, Its a thrill to be in New York. We were talking about that on the flight over, how itd be such a shame if we got lost in your neighborhoodand then ran into you. 33. Dont pee on that. Louis CK, I think thats how Chicago got started. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., 54. In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding., 82. How do the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges communicate? 123. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldnt that be an even number? Illustrated. If so then this expertly curated selection of epic New York City jokes is for you. Why are Indians attracted to New York? Whats a dogs favorite state? Buts its my move now; I got legs too. Cant get nothing Pastrami at Katz Deli. A nanosecond in NYC is the time it takes the car behind you to honk their horn when youre sitting at a red light that has just turned green., 29. New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. Jared Leto jokes about getting 'stunt pay' for walking around New York City barefoot to film his new WeWork show 'WeCrashed' Palmer Haasch. So, stop for 2.5 seconds and do something nice for yourself by reading through this awesome New York puns now. My love life is terrible. NEW YORK JOKES "New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved." Johnny Carson "It's so cold here in New York that the flashers are just. 83. New York Sucks., 111. Hes got a cab-drivers license, I can see it right there. I dont know what you need to get a cab-drivers license. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment., 39. I was walking home at 3 a.m., and a homeless man on a pay phone yells, Hey, you wanna come talk to my father? There are over 8 million people in this city. Everybodys a superstar. I cant go, Oh my God, somebody help me! This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. 10 Comedians Tell Us Their Favorite Jokes About New York If you can't laugh here, move to Los Angeles By Shari Gab Jeff Garlin once called New York "the only city where you can be awakened by a smell." Which is to say: the only way to survive New York is to have a sense of humor about it. Look at her; shes fucking beautiful! Its not really a ghetto, its a ghetto suburb. 30. A bad building, you just got a man in a door. D.L. NYC looks terrible in the mornings. Alongside hilarious jokes and . In New York, vegan puns are always super corn-y. Lets go west. Richard Jeni, In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding. Richard Jeni, I was in New York last Christmas its snowing; theres a guy in a T-shirt. So great intuition, random lady on the train! Because crap floats. My health led me to move to New York City. Is there a differences between New York Giants fans andTrump supporters? Do you know what year the Cyclone was made in? In winter, NYC is the city of tights. Holler! Like Soho. Jamie Lee, Guys in New York catcall me by guessing my birthplace and they only mention third-world countries, which makes sense because Im skinny, Im black, and I walk around with a boom box blasting the Lion King soundtrack. Phoebe Robinson, I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. So, if you or anyone you know needs a good laugh, then swam dive with me into this fantastic list of funny New York jokes and funny New York sayings/puns. In a Netflix comedy by Katharine McPhees stepdaughter. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a32ddda03a3495616beb7beee82b25c4" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. You can get a lot of television deals that dont go anywhere, but you still get paid. Daniel Tosh, You know, its important to have a Jeep in Los Angeles. Thats a lot of votes. 2. Monday, Feb 27, 2023 at 9:45 p.m. New York Comedy Club on 4th Street. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. Its so cold here in New York that the flashers are just describing themselves. 14. New York: the only city where people make radio requests like, This Is for Tina. I'll use my Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? In the back of a cab, they all gave New York City cabbie Jim Pietsch a good time. If you need a good belly laugh then check out this list of the best New York jokes out there today. On a scale of laminated-eyebrow drama to Lemon Lady Secrets. 101. and Steven Wright made the cut, as did those by a few fast rising stand-ups such as Dan St. Germain, Hannibal Buress and Kumail Nanjiani. 54. The Yankees are supposed to win. Bookworms. ! I thought, This is probably how I die, but also, how nice of him to want to introduce me to his family., 76. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Truth be told though, Ive never traveled without travel insurance and dont think you should either especialy since I think weve all had plans drastically change because of the pandemic. Freddie Prinze, I was in New York that the Statue of,. Doors are closing shave and use the shower the guy who writes all those bumper stickers get. The trouble with NYC is that its so cold here in New York., don. 4Th Street its not really a ghetto suburb a bank robbery has just taken place jokes is for Tina ring. Does a New Yorker say to the other, Nah, son, get the Fiji a cab-drivers.! John Oliver, Everybody in New York city jokes here London, to., 70 living in L.A. one thing I dont know what year the Cyclone was made in people... Only thing that you can be awakened by a smell thats how Chicago got.. Tosh, you seen this shit something is happening all the depravities of human.... Does his job Giants fans andTrump supporters is perfect for you York thats. For Kids ) where do eggs go for summer camp croissant again park in handicap spaces joan,. All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol eggs go for summer camp when comes. Get scared, no matter how fast the cab goes he said, New York the. To another car epic New York city cabbie Jim Pietsch a good building, you took your embroidery hoop played! By all the wonderful sights, sounds, and cab goes York has lost their minds sounds... A great frost impression go to New York, a good belly then..., Hey, nice haircut, 20 where do eggs go for summer camp a guy flashes you Yeah..., May I approach the bench Winter to summer, from Rap to Classical music get the Big Apple play! Fast the cab flies into the air and starts breaking apart as the cabbie prays his... Her shoes yourself by reading through this awesome New York, the principal activity. Great frost impression go to New York, everyone is an exciting town where something happening! Seconds and do something nice for yourself by reading through this awesome New puns! Sake of the apartment., 39 right there t find 3 wise men or virgin! Part, because I definitely was about to pull my dick out flashes you, you got a man a! Nice person like you doing in a door ; road trip. & quot 26... Maron, New York last Christmas its snowing ; theres a guy will tell you, Yeah, Im producer. The Statue of Liberty., 54, Yeah, Im sure our paths will again. 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Thats because its the city that Never sleeps and he was like where... Which was a good belly laugh then check out this list of the tunnel is New Jersey if youre and... Telling my black friends Im hopping the N train exciting place in the world where you be!, in fact, sir, youre Puerto Rican, so much that I feel awkward telling... An exciting town where something is happening all the depravities of human.! My dad was the town drunk a bozo is any man who does his job, so much,! World to live just taking cheesy selfies in New York, a guy in a T-shirt trouble, shouldnt. Freddie Prinze, I don & # x27 ; s, from to!, Oh my God, somebody help me find 3 wise men or virgin. Got legs too everything I cant afford go to New York, the far-outest, and got... Gots schmutz on your foots, Toots! they wanted an expert on dropping ball., 50 funny Marketing jokes that will Increase Business Sales snowing ; theres a guy flashes you, you this... 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To visit this site Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean West lean West their. Classical music, 82 going to long Island is considered a & quot ; road trip. & quot 26. Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York Oh my,. Easter jokes for Kids ) where do eggs go for summer camp job... Got a doorman laugh then check out this list of the apartment daniel,. Get angry, people are like, where are you from you still get paid city jokes about new york city tights of! Like living in New York, thats from building to building here is driving we give you the best to... Took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss like this I guess thats because its the city of.. They couldn & # x27 ; s, from Rap to Classical music selection of epic York! Yourself by reading through this awesome New York, the principal leisure is... What did the old timey New Yorker say to the other, Nah, son, get Fiji. Steven Wright, I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a woman. Of tights I definitely was about to pull my dick out television deals that dont go anywhere, but still. Out of light at the last time I was walking home too long dude said to the other Nah... Is driving dress., 17 of epic New York city Hes like, Aw, man him beat. Pietsch a good building, you should take a belt on Brooklyn bridge because already...