HE MUST STAND UP FOR YOU. Find out who is toxic to you, consider walking away, and entrust them to God, writes Gary Thomas in When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People. You Feel Appreciated. For awhile it was good a point in our relationship and everything was going good until my birthday came along and we went out to celebrate and we where ordering and he mention that his friends told him that I was using him for money and that ruined it, I got tired of him & his friends. Being around him is never fun. That sounds harsh, but I'm quite a bit older than you and it pains me to see a young woman putting herself through all these mental and emotional contortions for a man like this. Participant. Example; Motherinlaw made a nasty joke about undercooked turkeys on Thanksgiving having the same colour as your legs in winter. I feel like Ive been really patient and supportive but Im getting no sense of security from him and Im so close to throwing in the towel. IM the bad guy even though when we argue about it, he says that i am getting the wrong end of the stick with what hes saying. Otherwise though he is a good boyfriend. The only risk here is him interpreting it like an attempt of yours to change him and then taking his efforts to comply to your wishes way to seriously(while simultaneously begrudging you for asking it of him). I wouldnt want my boyfriend to jeopardize his relationship with his child, and I would never expect him to be put in a position to choose, however it hurts me very much that his child wont accept me at all, or include me in certain family functions. It's not worth being stressed all the time. Why wait it out 'with' him when that takes up your time? First of all, allow me to do it like in Kirghistan and answer your question with another question or, to be more precise, with a series of questions: WHO ARE YOU? Mind you I cook and clean and ice even supported my boyfriend when he was at his lowest. Please don't get wrapped up in this man's shenanigans anymore.. it truly makes me sad to think of you wasting any more time dealing with such rubbish. Your boyfriend's friend- the way he feels about your dancing, and about anything at all, is okay. I explained that if a long distance relationship is going to work, then we need to sort through problems when they come up, and I can't support myself and him at the same time. Do I just hang up and let him call back when he's ready to talk, do I wait it out and not offer him the comfort? He may not be aware of the situation it wasnt made clear in the post. Read How to Ask Your Boyfriend for What You Want. STAY. But as soon as he makes it clear that he is nt going to rescue you when theres a disaster, youre done there. Even when he just has a headache he behaves like a spoilt child demanding attention. evenworse Started Friday at 03:52 AM, By She only cares about herself and her dogs. And to answer your questions in chronological order: A (currently intensely frustrated) modern languages & literature student from the lovely rainy land of England, possibly; maybe I should give up men entirelyand thirdly: at the moment, I'm not sure. Imagine having to go through THAT everyday. The main problem is that I don't know how to react when he goes into one of these tantrumssilences, whatever they are. It is your husband's right to stand up for himself and to assert his individuality. Their relationships are established, and extremely difficult to change. I just feel defeated and like Im not good enough for him when his sister is around. Shes one of those stuck up my way kind of girls. I cant sleep or nothing im so sick worrying if he will still be with me. "From birth, we're on our family's 'team' [so] when a rift occurs between a romantic partner and the family, it can be damaging for all involved," says Amica Graber, a relationship expert for the background-checking site TruthFinder. I'm getting to the point where I want to get off the phone with him as fast as possible when he calls, because it's either to be upset at me, or to explain what his day was likewhich results in conversations based around "I went shopping, then I had lunch, then I played a board game with my family, then I had dinner" (etc. But in the event an argument gets heated and disrespect is thrown around, it's important that your partner has your back, even if that means standing up to their friends and family. Shes ever since been trying to break us up anyway she can. "Life will always throw challenges at you, and being able to manage the small ones will help prepare you for the big ones. Being strong and confident as a woman does not mean your boyfriend should let his friends or family walk all over you. Sadly, I can totally relate to this woman. I know I should end it but I feel stuck. I'm not gonna lie to you. I dont know if hell ever stand up for me. Anyway my boyfriend and i have been together 18 months and this same guy happens to have worked with him. What does one suggest in this type of situation? It is possible you are not with the guy that is meant for you. Love advice for women and men, couples, and singles looking for love. If your boyfriend does not defend himself, he will definitely not defend you. Are you hesitant to be honest with your boyfriend? Question. He talks down on me and my fiance gets mad at me because I stand up for myself and for things that are not true. If nothing changed, would you be able to move forward in healthy ways? Now this time week later i go to his cabin cause seen he wasnt there and i missed him so much. In my house, the phone rang constantly and I let it ring, because I didn't feel like comforting him or listening to his silence when he didn't wanna let me hang up. Boyfriend smiles broadly, thinking you guys are getting along, when in fact, this was a lowblow, because she asks if you have a skindisease later, which he again percieves as affectionate concern.. The only think I know is that you cant force anyone to change. Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By Its not just about a relationship, western women are eyed as suspicious for many reasons i wont get into when it comes to Muslims. Both mom and sister came to my home trying to take him from me but he stayed with me i was so proud he didnt let them control him. You could encourage him to seek help but it isn't easy trying to help someone who aren't willing to help themselves. Is Your Boyfriends Mother Ruining Your Relationship? Get in a workout. But if it ever gets even remotely as bad as this BAIL. Then yesterday I was reading his text with his friend from work and he was saying all of these mean things about me and my boyfriend didnt stick up for me once even when his friend was telling my boyfriend that he wants my boyfriend to be with this other girl. Do you really care what his friends think of you? We need to stop worrying about the unhealthy fallout of unhealthy people who are challenged by healthy decisions. Call a friend. It's a deliberate decision to act that way, so the consequences aren't anything you're inflicting on him. Hes been with his family for alot longer than hes been with you, and its not easy to change those old patterns of relating to family. Often times, women say they want their husbands to stand up for them. You have your whole life ahead of you. Focus on changing the only person you have control over: you. Help for healthy relationships for women and men, on a popular love blog. I agree that it is easier said than done to change relationships and behavior, but sometimes its worth the effort. I will give you my advice about what to do when your boyfriend wont stand up for you, and I truly truly hope you take it to heart. Because for the other things, theres a way to fix that. Cookie Notice The group returns to their seats, and Elle goes on to prove Brookes innocence. Stop doing it 'for' him. His family does know but they are disrespectful and imposing and rude to her. In a recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area. She has lost her identity and is pretty much stuck in that situation. It's a mistake to treat passive-aggression as a victim state. In any relationship, there will be moments when you disagree with your partner, or someone close to them, such as a friend or family member. Hes supportive and kindand he probably doesnt know what to do. Or are you pulling a little Mrs Robinson thing over there?). Can you continue a relationship with him, just the way he is now? Those books are really good at helping people see what belongs to them, what doesnt, and how to stand up to people they love. Its just crazy.. Csn u help me PLEASE !! We will reach out when we're ready to talk again. You cant force your boyfriend to stand up for you, or guilt him into protecting you. He is a bonifide pussy. How to know what love is, on quips and tips for love and relationships. also hes a hypocrite he yells at me for going to a guys house when I lived with him for a year with my family so hes like a brother to me but then I found out during my spring break he was at a girls house drinking and smoking and yelled at me when I went to the guys house bu he went to her house before I went to his and I didnt even know he was there what should I do???? 1. I dont think it will change and me telling him to stand up for me and if he were to do so feels very forced. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. And she ran and told her family. Next morning his mom and sister show up and flipped out on him. And the worst part was that I was always in a bad mood because of him(I don't know if you've also reached this state yet). It's horrible! Its up to you to decide if you can accept him.another option is to talk to a counselor, and learn ways to respond to his family. Now she got his sister involved to help break us up. No, I dont think it was wrong for you to give up on him. Maryanne, it sounds like he loves you AND he loves his son and grandkids! Hes very supportive in some things ..and has some good traits which is why i lasted so long with himbut he is ONE of the most excruciating COWARDS Ive ever met in my life. It might sound like an obvious question to ask, but answering this is going to significantly impact your next move. tldr; My boyfriend wont stand up for himself against his mom and its ruining the relationship for me, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. That was all I got from him and we where not communicating at all he was going to his friends and telling them about everything in our relationship and getting advice from them. What can I say/do that could help the situation?. I am open to moving to where he wants in the future under different circumstances but its clear that still isnt good enough because he wants me to say that I will do what he wants right now regardless of all of my concerns about and my personal goals and wishes. Recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this type of?... I cook and clean and ice even supported my boyfriend and I missed so. A headache he behaves like a spoilt child demanding attention is pretty stuck... 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