is this something else im going through bc she hasnt done anything bad shes been there for me also id like to know what is the true meaning of love ?? I agreed. If the bad stuff was present and the good stuff was missing, then what I recommend you do is sit down with your husband and discuss it. The third time we broke up I called him to see how serious he was about me and he said that he hadnt got over his issues and he placed a greater importance to school. The last few months I cheated on him. Im giving up on trying!? How can I move past this? I feel like ive moved on and have met an incredible woman and i really care for her deeply. He fills the void and gives her validation through his compliments. 2. Then i started to fall.We had our fights and she wanted to leave me at least 4 different times. I started going to therapy and it has done wonders. Hi Shena Apologizing wont cut it because this insecurity and lying are something that is in you. He cares about me but I have pushed him away so many times that the love is gone. She only come for money briefly and rushed out. I am absolutely heart broken and I have no one else other than him and my son. Our was not only child but freezing cold weather on Wednesday morning. Eventually, I discovered that his actions did not change. So cold, angry and unforgiving. If you are, then youre probably meant for each other. She knows and apologized a week later in May. This makes it important that the location of your first date should be one where both of you can be at ease and someplace that does not intimidate either of you. I don't understand thought we were friends. I just dont understand her anymore. Sign up and Get Listed. It kills me to know that I am the cause of his broken heart. I would quote Elie wiesel here "Opposite of love is not hate its indifference" So you have already crossed half a way you don't "don't care" about that person. I didnt tell my husband because i was still mad at him. I know I love her with every ounce of my being, but throughout the relationship, I managed to abuse her physically and mentally. She was not home either bur I told get I was there. At the time, it was hard for me to accept because we had an amazing time, but I didnt resist or try to make it work, I let him go, even though I was completely devastated and caught by surprise. The hard part is that i see her every day (at work) and some days it feels like Im slipping back into anxiety ridden grief. There are a lot of emotions here that need to be examined, understood, regulated, and possibly changed. Constant fighting. During that time, i became close with a guy. She said shes pregnant. Or mayb im sick Help plz. And I am starting to believe there is really no fixing this, no going back, so much darkness has fallen over me over the last few weeks. Fortunately, the sporadic bouts of hate you may experience when your beloved's habits and behaviors get on your nerves can coexist with your love for him or her. I fell back into the same hole as 3 years ago. Then i screwed up. His comment reads gotta go listen to my sidechickthat I like. Hello. There will be new things in the you that has experienced all this pain: guardedness, healing, and newfound respect. Im unsure of what to do andit is making me crazy. Perhaps you need to work a bit on your own sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. Any advice would be much appreciated. Not sure what exactly I could do to try make amends, apologize and prove to her as she the girl I only want and I was dumb making a dumb choice in my part. Im still stuck back at the moment you walked into his LR and he did not hug and kiss you and say to the other girl, Here is my girlfriend, Carmen. And why was she his wallpaper if she just came to visit his mother? Which he liked. This part alone can take months for a person to take in and feel good about. I am inneed of it badly. If you see your significant other as the reason for your loss of personal freedom, you may hate them a little or a lot. Since we broke up hes been traveling a lot for work, always to the same place. I mean he swears that he does, but he really broke my heart by saying that to me in the first place. Ive been with my husband for 26 years. This article focuses on two people who are genuinely in tune to each other. He therefore was distancing himself emotionally. We were even engaged at one point but he took the ring back because we were butting heads so much. Plan fun activities to do together. I still told him. what should i do. I feel like such a fool no matter what happens next. His grandma that he was very close to pass away this past April. My husband felt he had fulfilled his part but I was slacking with my end. Is she going to be happy in a monogamous relationship.? And you lost big. I worked my way through these bills, going as far back as 2002 when they originally began texting each other. I like the thought of being with someone else because I dont wanna be with a liar and a cheat. And then he says you dont want to have kids. This is killing me, he would do anything for me, and I know this, but I dont believe it. She broke up with me because she is deeply hurt and betrayed . How do I go about trusting him when I am not home. How long do I stay silent? He asked for a break and then got back with his childs mother who he hasnt been with for 10 years. Hi Shan There are families where it happens and it is no big deal, but many other people do find it a big deal. It seems to me you are covered. We havent been in love for a long time now and havent utteredI life you in all this time. Ive recognized many of the things here, including not validating her enough, not making her feel accepted or adored and supported, and many other shortcomings I feel guilty for in oversight. You met in your senior year. 4. Hes not happy about that, but accepting. She said a lot of little things added up between us and that she started compromising herself to be with me and we both ended up completely different people in a bad way. If it works well for you then this experience may be a blessing in disguise. Ex: he takes his clothes off when he walks in and just leaves them, he drinks something and just leaves it there, getting him to take out the trash is not worth it I do it 99% of the time, he doesnt feel the need to keep himself up so that I am attracted to him and im talking about something as simple as a haircut here not going to the gym and turning his beer gut into abs. It may be a struggle at first but if you are strong you will make it. Absolutely! Please know that there is help available! Ive lost his patience. Good Morning. Why is that? I am 26 and he is 28 years old. She is 33yrs old. No one can live a life without them. So much i just wish things were different i cry all the time and he sees it hell ask what wrong i say nothing of course but deep down inside my heart is breaking and it sux! any words of encouragement or suggestions on my post from June 18? For me, that was the fundamental basis of our relationship. Ive been selfish and a taker and I understand that I caused much of this. That said, now I strongly urge you to get therapy to figure out where the anger came from and most importantly, how to look at Life in a healthier way so you dont get angry, especially not at innocent people. Listen, as young people, we can dream. He still doesnt see him doing anything wrong by spending all his time with his female friend. They are educated in our society to turn off their deeper feelings until they are disconnected from them. Copyright 2011 by By Deb Hirschhorn, PhD. Im hoping that he will get the help that he needs because he is a very good man he just needs help dealing with his past. I have a whole lot more to say but Ill just leave here for the today. I have a child from a previous relationship. What should I do? or that you are together and he wont let you return to the States (if that is home). I messed up the best thing in my life. Her parents were divorced at 19 and her mother took her and moved across the country, mother eventually remarrying. Her Emotional Affair has all but destroyed me and when I confronted her on 1/1/2015 by asking her who she would be talking to at 2AM in the morning for 2 hours, her reply a Friend I picked up the car keys and went for a drive. I am so emotional, physically, and mentally attached to this man I am with. After all this time and so much love? Well then in June or July 2013 I went on his yahoo account and there were emails on there off of craigslist personals between him and other woman in 2012. Ive lost his trust. DrDeb I am thrilled to see that you continue to actively monitor this post. I dont want to compromise and I dont want to keep calling him so as not to look needy..pls help!. However, right now I am in so much pain. Loving Someone Quotes. The more questions you ask, the better because it shows that you are interested in getting to know her and that she is not just another girl for you. What hurt was that he completely ignored me. I called two weeks later. Intense love can seem so lasting and forever that its almost surrealistic when we realize how quickly it can turn into hate. Hi Sean, His mom told him later on, and he was just overall shocked because within a 24 hour period our conversation went from marriage to me trying to take pills. I sat a mere 30cm away. He is angry with me will not talk to me. It takes time and patience. She lost the first time but tried again the next year. actually we had few fights before coz of my ex but i dint delete him or got him out of my life . I have said everything multiple times and get no response. Dr. Deb Im a controlling wife thats why my husband told me that he dont love me anymore . I believe my husband is bipolar. I cant blame anyone for this but myself. After reading this article I know now that my unfulfilled promises of improving myself had hurt him deeply. Im feeling really anxious but this article has given me some hope. He had come home drunk, posted negativity about me on social media and from that post received a message to his phone at 5am in the morning. Its urgent. For him, saying I was leaving was the final straw. And he must be quite unhappy because he has used this woman as a friend, telling her all the problems. Please help. It turns out that no matter what they discussed .. it was no more than what he discussed with his customers,our daughters or me. If so, please respond. Carly, you say here something that is of concern: I am more weepy and depressed than ever before. I suggest she get counseling to help her figure this out. But there always have been discussions. The aim is to show that you are fun to be with and that you know how to have a good time. I had a little girl with her and today I thank my e partner for leaving me and taking our daughter away from the pain and suffering I was causing. They'll never leave each other. I am devestated that she lied to me. I got a decent paying job and have been mostly supporting us since then. My problem exactly Arthur. But he had to stay at a transition home. However, I thought I should take a break from her in December 2013. A side my husband hadnt seen and didnt like. I was recently in a relationship for the past 5 years. I have been with my partner 21 years! What makes for feeling in love? Then he had a tendency to want to have sex and Id tell him O,you just want my body. Recently I told him that I wasnt emotionally or mentally ready to get married at this time-I know it broke his heart and it broke mine too. You Think About Them More Than Anyone Else. You have to watch yourself very carefully not to inadvertently enable your husband. My spouse is trying to be patient, but I still dont think he really gets the emotional toll his affair had on me, even though it was several years ago. I am a bit fat, but not up to their size. Since my brothers passing everything changed for me I changed. Me and my boyfriend are in a relationship for 4 years. i have the similar problem now with my gf. Although opposites do attract, the fundamental, deep-down attraction comes from a reflection of oneself. He took me at my word and is full of bitterness. My heart is ripped apart. Financial restrains were blamed. And he said no that hell take it to his grave and that he will never accept my apology. Hi Adarkwa I just dont get how shes so perfect and can make my husband fall in love with her giving her his all while leaving me on the back burner. Hi Robert, I just had it with him. My husband is a cheater after, I had twins it continue and I know that I care for him but down deep inside I hate him. I have been in a relationship with my husband for almost 8 years and almost 6 years of being married. However, you shouldn't just call it quits without giving your husband a second chance. I Was speaking to some other guy that I know & he got mad & didnt want to speak to me , I was sad , because I missed him. I have told him that I have in a way felt the same as it seems the only time he wants to touch me is when he wants sex so I have turned myself off in a way. Zeki & Romaya (2008) looked at people's brains while viewing images of the faces of people they either loved or hated. The day I moved out I asked him to please let me back into his heart and he said hes trying and thats why we are doing this. We ended up back together because I felt the relationship had potential besides what had happened during our break up. Am I trying to rush things too much? So the gut picked her and I saw him clearly he was the guy I saw on fb. We have 3 kids and a confirtable lifestyle which are the only reasons I am still here. I only saw him when skiing only ever once did we go out for a meal in evening as he would need to give reason for going out which wasnt a problem! It had been over for 3 years. Should I tell him what I was going through and see if he wants to pursue a relationship, or remain friends? Dr.Deb, Our marriage of 39 years has had good times, but I have constantly felt my husbands disconnection in both emotional & sexual intimacy. I thought she would learn few lesson if I ignore her for some time. I feel horrible. Yes, people do get angry to hide their fears. You have feelings; youre human. They never met each other in person, but met over a social media website. Start by what you tell YOURSELF: I am a wonderful person. Hi Dr. Deb Well my guy found out and he felt I didnt trust him and all hell broke lose, I got angry and to him where his mom his ex and he could go. I NEED HELP or at least some insight. It just is. So to see this is heartbreaking. Told him. tired of all the obstacles we had, especially However, I knew he was a very flirty person, had a lot of female friends but it was never more than friendship. Of all things, my biggest fear and worst-case scenario actually was the truth. I had stayed faithful since that mistake and did all I could to build trust and be as opened as possible. I stopped living with her about a week and a half before she broke up with me because I wanted her to have some space because I thought she needed to mature, When she did break up with me she said she was happier without me and was a completely different person when I was gone. Please help! Hi Dr Deb . He then had an accident 2 years later which has left him in huge amounts of pain. We have two children with our third on the way. He calls my sister and tells her he really loves me, but I didnt treat him right. I was like I need to see the progress since I paid for repairs and fixing. Hi there, There was no romance, no love, no plan to leave. We is currently finishing her masters thesis right now too and says she doesnt have the emotional capacity to focus on too many things at once, that we should focus on our own issues for the time being and try to work together when she is emotional adept to do so. But i had to reply to know who sarah is by asking who is this but no reply since then. Very fishy to me. I went there and spent two weeks and on my last day there on the way to the airport someone texted him and I texted them back and they were basically willing to meet up with him it was a girl . We talked a lot over that night and the next day and we finally agreed to try and not let what happened be a setback. You will be hurting the whole time.we all have the right to pursue happiness. I asked is there still a reason for me to be here and keep trying, she told me she has no comment on that. Of course she has been living this type of comment but i usually ignored. I just have to keep praying. Im still hurt, though we are moving on, and I have no plans on leaving him. And now heroin. So if a person has been drinking and certainly using drugs, it means they, too, have been hurt in some way. And I cant understand whats on his mind. So your idea to get some space was good. Generally in cases like this BOTH people have something to learn about life. I could tell that there was more to it thought. I turned & walked back into his office & simply continued to calculate the amount of money & time hed spent calling her each day. We were best friends. I really want to work things out, he is the man I am madly in love with but I dont know what to do. A complicated story. A husband should not be a person we are afraid of. A few months after I nursed my grandmother until she died, and my son recently had a bad mva and broke his back. Things were not good at home, and Ive always believed that he rescued me. I know she fears this is just another cycle of inappropriate behavior followed by her doubting the relationship, me noticing that, getting temporary help and then giving up because things get better and the cycle continues. He needs to seek help for himself the only contact you should have w him is too allow him to have quality time w the children. A year later, she accuses him of being the father of her 3 year old daughter, and I find out that they have been seeing each other for 2 weeks and that he may be the father. So I asked: are you moved on? My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, 2.5 years long distance. I need to stop blaming him for everything and take responsibility for my failings. And Im constantly irritated by him, which in turn makes me super mean. I guess I am looking for advice, and just wanted to express what is happening to me and I found this article and though it was fantastic! A person cannot set aside their insecurities. Insecurities become part of a persons very identity and that in turn governs their choices. He says no he doesnt want to save the marriage and its a little to late so thats my fault. Hi Clara Before we became official we were casually dating for about 4 months. She is basically my everything because I have no family in the states so I did everything with her. :(. 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