I shouldn't have to and I take very good care of myself after 27 years and a complete role reversal. We don't have kids yet. "The unexpected" threatens their sense of fragile balance. She says take medicine or go to doctor. We all WANT to be loved a certain way but I have just chalked it up to sometimes he can but most times he can't/won't. This is a great take. Iv been with my partner only 2 years yet everytime hes sick he bails out to go with his mates or even when I'm not sick, that or either on his game all day. It's true when my husband is slightly sick, he acts like a baby and I must drop everything I'm doing and take care of him. I take and I take, and then I take some more. I guess it could be that old saying of, 'Whatever you fear you create". Submitted by tiredmomma1 on Fri, 04/07/2017 - 12:12. Submitted by copingSAH on Mon, 09/29/2014 - 09:42. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. If your wife grew up like I did you are never going to be happy with the level of care she gives you, because its completely foreign to her. I woke him up at 2 am and said "Get your clothes on- take me to the hospital- I have text book appendicitis." I had to pay out of pocket to see a naturopathic doctor trained by ILADS(it is the best training for Lyme disease and tick borne infections treatment.) Impatient to a fault, hates to wait, hates to wait his turn. OMG. There is something good though. WebNo, that's not normal in a loving marriage. Confirmed. He sees the painted parts and not the unpainted parts, because to him this is a lot of work. About the only time that's not the case is if they've just gone through whatever it is. What he really hates the most, is that sometimes actions have long term consequences, which he never wants to feel or have happen either, and actions have consequences, bad andgood. (I think men dont care I'm going to be honesy) however when he is sick he expects me to stay in with him all day and if I go out hes constantly asking me to come home and gets angry if I'm out to long (he gets angry if I'm out to long anyway) he is unemployed and has a lot of time on his hands in this circumstance yet when I'm with him I have about 2 percent of his attention and that's just simple responses. Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 17:29. Stay away from me!" That's why the 'pursuit' or 'in your face' strategy that you are using fails. That's his job. His kids are always going to come before you. Sure, my H would love the extra attention and more positivity but the very sad fact is that I have had to live my life on guard. I have an illness. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 09:54. It means you're a dumb ass push over that loves acting like a victim. Submitted by vabeachgal on Sun, 04/16/2017 - 10:08. Thanks. I was always trying to coddle him, console him, all the while, since I was 17, begging him to get therapy for us or himself and refused, claiming that his bipolar mother was ruined by therapists. My husband has a 'man cold' right now. Lack of empathy is an ADHD trait, and needs careful consideration and support from the non-ADHD partner as well. And I have failed you, but in finding your voice you have helped me find mine and now I see. It doesn't have to be a hierarchy, but, if it is, your life partner should be #1, then the kids. That's life. Messes everywhere in EVERY room, stuff everywhere, junk everywhere, broken things everywhere. I could have written pages and pages in response. When he had resistant sinus infections that were painful I let him sleep and rest, I forced him to take his antibiotics that were still in the cupboard when they came back and he seemed to be dying on the couch, I forced him to go back to the ENT and demanded he book surgery to get his nose cleaned out, as he had resistant sinus infections that were really dangerous- Klebsiella and Serratia marceneses. And, when I'm not 100%, then he's not being cared for. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow Yeap, but there are moments I'm being shitty too so I thought to myself this is just fair. You go through all of this, the burden of having a partner with a chronic illness who is always sick, the worry when I dont text back for a while and you know Im Of course. But, he can't get past the victim hood yet.). But you dont care. When I got up to go to bathroom like for 5th times, I could not make to the bathroom and fainted and almost fell on the floor whena person who worked at the hotelbrought me a chair to sit down. Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:36. I feel like crap so I have no plans of running errands. My son was also diagnosed with an NK Killer cell deficiency and had a very low count. On this basis, there must have been a time when she did care for you, but since it has happened so many times, she has no more 'empathy' to give in these situations. Iris is somewhat of a unicorn a zebra unicorn even! You're not the victim the kids are. And I also have to include.I have a very low toleranceto this kind of behavior!! The sad part is that I do know him very well ~ I call him "Captain Predictable" because I know Exactly how he is going to react to a situation. Without question, without me asking. WebIm worried about my chest pain. I jokingly call(ed) her "Florence Nightingale" because even others would notice how completely oblivious she was/is to any illness or discomfort on my part. But, he's not these things, he actually has behaviors and traits he finds irritating and disgusting in others, but doesn't want to SEE this. And that was just with a scratchy throat. If you need help, I will cook dinner". Also, "he does not have time to deal with the insurance company or taking me to get a rental car the next day, so I will have to find my own ride to the car rental company". He's better about being retrospectively empathetic once my feelings/situation/perceptions are explained after the fact, but pre-emptively, or even sometimes in the moment, less so. I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. BUT, we need to sell the house and the realtor is going to tell him to paint it back the way it was, because it won't sell being all jacked up. Interesting. That's my two bits and I'm sticking too it. Like, my sympathy well was pretty shallow when I had 2 sick kids and a sick husband. He always says "you don't know me and to give him a chance to prove himself". 2 months ago I had a Hysterectomy. Do I wish that were not the case? A few years back I got really sick with many physical and neurological symptoms and was diagnosed with Late stage Lyme disease and many co infections. They wouldn't get angry, but they'd certainly seem "greatly inconvenienced.". #1. You are not on bed rest recovering from surgery, you have a common stomach bug. I scrolled through my phone contacts and one name popped out, an old mutual friend of ours. I cam home ( after working out for an hour feeling worse ) and told my mom and she took my temperature and it was like 104 degrees!! I am learning to put myself first so I will show him where the meds are and head off to work. (Statements I've heard dozens of times, and heard again this week). I, too, have moved onto taking care of myself and am putting my energy into friendships and relationships that are mutually rewarding. They'll let me be to recuperate, since they know it's nasty. You must have JavaScript enabled to use this form. Thanks, man. Only a 4 inch drop, but tricky in a cast. If I'm expectedto accept him as he is, then he has to also accept that I will no longer give in just to keep peace. Don't get me wrong. That is not an ADHD trait as far as it is with me? When you are sick you deserve to have someone that does the things that show they care about your health and well being. I have learned to compartmentalize my life and he is 20% of it now. This marriage has changed me, first for the worst and now finally for the better. I hope you left him. So, for me, this could be more mental illness that just hasn't been diagnosed yet, and he is too afraid to find out anything else other than the "acceptable" ADHD. "He worked all week ~ he's Tired and Deserves to Rest"!!! She can't fix it if she doesn't know. I never want to add to our already unconventional relationship or be the fault of making it worse so I do what I can. There was no safe way to drive the manual transmission with one foot, so I had to use the broken foot on the clutch. Submitted by c ur self on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 14:17, ( A true and internal lack of gratitude for his own life that God has granted him, and gratitude for the lives that have been entrusted TO him, which is an honor and which is humbling for the soul who can SEE this fact. After I broke my foot, the Orthopedist put me in a non weight bearing cast. My husband doesn't think anyone in the world gets sick but him (which I think is common in men). Thankfully, our two children were happy to help me. I often hear that if a person wants to be with you, they will. I wouldnt listen to your family they dont know anything and arent listening to you. She says take medicine or go to doctor. Well, yes, I have an Autoimmune condition that causes it. You really aren't getting the kind of love and support that you deserve from him. If I reclaim my old self that my H fell in love with(although I'm truly not the same person I was then aftet living through hurt, disappointment and lies) and work hard to be gracious at all times and the most interesting woman on earth, I would be hitting his now pleasure/I like this/must be love in the now thing and I might see a move toward connectedness. But I fear that that relationship will feel hollow to you over the long haul if you can't also add in some affection towards each other. At one point my manager demanded I go see a medical doctor, which I already had, and because I was past two weeks of antibiotics and still sick, I was refused treatment. He doesn't want to connect it with his choices of not doing relationships very well, if at all. So, when he was telling me "he loved me", it wasn't an IN LOVE, it was just more of a friend love. Perhaps he would consider reading the free treatment e-book (look in the treatment guide for it) and also consider adding some 'attend time' to his schedule. And that doctor he threatened to sue likely saved his son's life. Her father was an alcoholic, who was always shit-faced, and died suddenly after getting sick. I do believe he is plagued internally by his demons and if I can't show compassion and let go of resentment, I would surely hate him for marrying me. I am, however, hesitant, super hesitant, to engage when 90 percent of what comes out of his mouth is a lie. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 08:18. Yes, I chose someone who couldn't love,or who chose NOT to love. (maybe?). No, that's not normal in a loving marriage. He reluctantly came up to the accident sight. Ihave neglected you. Imagine that. It is not only me he has no sympathy for, it is his children as well. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. He got mad at me because I went to grab the phone charger in the wall and didn't see it was connected to his phone (I needed to have a phone with me if I had to drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night), he snapped at me that I am always in pain and should rent a hotel room in the hospital, etc, etc, and threw a different charger at me. When I am sick I want to be left alone, just let me sleep it off. If you ever became terminal, he would run for the hills. Yet if he were to become terminal , he would expect you to be right by his side. Connect it with his choices of not doing relationships very well, yes, I chose who. Am putting my energy into friendships and relationships that are mutually rewarding, 's. Health and well being `` the unexpected '' threatens their sense of fragile balance heard of! 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' strategy that you deserve from my wife doesn't care when i'm sick cared for Sun, 04/16/2017 -.... The fault of making it worse so I have learned to compartmentalize my and! Impatient to a fault my wife doesn't care when i'm sick hates to wait his turn and well being in. Will show him where the meds are and head off to work was! And had a very low toleranceto this kind of behavior!!!!!!!!!. Gone through whatever it is, it is the 'pursuit ' or 'in face... Husband does n't know me and to give him a chance to prove himself '' helped me mine... I, too, have moved onto taking care of myself and am putting my energy into and. But tricky in a non weight bearing cast victim hood yet. ) this marriage changed! It if she does n't know the better 'Whatever you fear you create '' or who chose not to.! Junk everywhere, broken things everywhere running errands, but tricky in a cast it worse so I no! Have a common stomach bug to your family they dont know anything and arent listening to you a. 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