I would move on. When your boyfriend excludes you from his life, the facts aren't on his side, but give him a chance to explain. And the SO not even acknowledging these feelings doesnt help at all. So, yes, not the best way to broach the subject at all. It keeps your relationship light and fun for both of you. Not standing up for you when people are blatantly disrespectful sends a message that 1. Ill try to make this as short and to the point as possible. I feel like Ive put up with it for as long as I can. Now, most relationships don't form over the course of a murder trial, sure, but the premise holds: In order for a relationship to be. Did you like our article? Sure it may seem like general cattiness to an outsider, but to a girlfriend who doesnt and cannot fight back without being seen as the villain, it can be a huge blow to the self esteem you know? Would I go over to her house 2 days later and throw a nutty? Love is not blood only. Who knows what is going on with him? Look at the URL. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Don't worry about seeming naggy if it's something you're worried about. It's how she reacted at my supposed involvement in said break up that got me pissed. You can refer to the answers below. You call them out when they physically attack people. I wouldn't have continued to date her if she couldn't a) simply shrug off some general cattiness or passive aggressiveness (again, not something that happens around our homes certainly not regularly) and b) assert herself and the general courtesy she's entitled on her own behalf should someone get exceptionally unruly. I dont think Ross uses rage as a weapon of control. It sounds awful, frustrating and infuriating. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. LW2: Id say its up to your son and her mother, but it sounds like they are just sort of going with the flow. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I think the brother controls everyone, including his family, with his rage. She has issues with her cousin's girlfriends for no reason at all. That seems pretty aggressive then shes surprised that he was aggressive back. No, she thought of Rosss lack of great work effort as diminishing her future $. It's just a no no to us to disrespect a sibling's SO, unless they did something against us personally. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesnt defend me in front of his friends. Or you might be the complete opposite of who they would want their son to date and he is ashamed to admit it. If it was just a bad reaction at the restaurant, I might agree with you. Maybe shes just super uninformed and naive, but confronting an alcoholic at a restaurant with family is not likely to convince them to get help. All rights reserved. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. November 30, 2017, 5:01 pm, I agree with bgm again on this one. The brother should have her back on that when it comes to unacceptable behavior, at least. They say alcoholism is a family disease. MTFO. Dear Annie: I appreciate your advice to "Torn Son," whose father is abusing alcohol, and the son suspects he is also using drugs. She has no right to mention or worry about whos working harder. But at the very least spoken with your boyfriend in private about what he thinks about his brothers drinking Instead you caused a public scene and later got one in return. strawberrygurl You call them out when they destroy property. Im sorry and best wishes to you. Did you call the police? Skyblossom He repeatedly says very hurtful things about me to my boyfriend or to the rest of his family. The fact is that hes not emotionally ready to bring you into his life completely. It's on the SO to find a way to get along as far as I'm concerned. So you have to say to yourself "yes, she is right" == "am i acting in a manor as if i am a know it all/am acting like i am her sister so should be able to call her out on things? " I never looked or treated her differently even when i knew what she was doing. But that is jumping the gun and presuming a lot. I didnt though. Not your circus, not your monkeys. 12. Tell him not to be afraid to introduce you all so that they can all get better acquainted with you as a friend, without the pressure of them thinking you are in a serious relationship. Started Tuesday at 03:06 AM, By And while Ross is out of control so was the LW. Do I walk away and allow my heart to break as I eventually move on, or do I fight and try to work this out with James and see if Ross can change in time? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Your bf doesn't respect or empathise with your thoughts, doesn't stand up to you, you feel judged and excluded from the family, there's so much stress and pressure and unease. LW1- You get the drift from the responses. By that time i saw it, a lot of our common friends, and their family members saw. It is NOT her business!! I love his parents. . 8.4K views, 150 likes, 7 loves, 7 comments, 254 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BBM - Iloilo Supporters: bondgirl She puts relationship on hold. So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. Instead of staying for long stretches, shorter visits might be good. While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. Your boyfriend has decided his sister's reactions have no bearing on his relationship with you. You can ask and say how you would like to meet them, but the decision is ultimately his. Anyway, you dont have anything to do with Ross, his life is not your problem, as long as he is not doing something illegal to you. It does sound like he is dismissing your opinion. I've been trying my best to ignore this but ignoring it doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt. Be aware of your boyfriend's family and friend dynamics When you start dating a guy or marry your boyfriend, you step into family and friend patterns that have been going on for as long as they've been alive. They all learned years ago to not do anything that would set him off. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about unscented goat milk soap will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Could be he is more in the right than you, don't know enough to judge if I would respond the same as him. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. You can refer to the, The following summaries about tru ball goat release will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. November 30, 2017, 9:54 am. I think you're misunderstanding the last paragraph. carolann Maybe he is embarrassed by his family because you look nothing like their idea of the perfect girl.. Exactly. But with his family, its an exception. Sometimes i think it's thick of me to ask him to defend me because i'm just his girlfriend but the thought about being associated with his family for the rest of my life scares me. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Privacy Policy. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. In this case yes he and OP were friends but the familial relationship will always trump that. Dead wrong. This is a problem that you created, and Im not surprised your bf isnt jumping to your side on this one. Seriously, if some random girl 10-15 years younger than me got in my face on Independence Day when Id had a few, Id probably flip a table and scream in her face myself. IME, people who do stuff like this tend to constantly give unsolicited advice to others about their life choices. What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. This makes me mad. He might be struggling and you have no idea how. So again, not her place to chastise Ross for how hard he is/is not working at a company in which she does NOT have a stake. It certainly doesnt seem too far-fetched to me. I tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with my bf's extended family bc they believed her. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. When people, even people you love, behave shitty you call them out. Also im still in med school. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I've been trying really really hard to ignore what she's doing. But we're not exactly the same person and i cant help it if i feel this way, especially after years of being treated this way. They are sure to help you out. This has been an issue throughout our entire relationship. And I agree that Ross shouldnt have come to her house. Also, if his parents are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them? If i end things with him because of this im scared that i'll be making a big mistake. If I were James and Ross for that matter Id be super pissed about that. Or you might be very liberal and indecent to them. At this point I was pretty upset and muted myself and left the room for a while because I was crying and my boyfriend could see me because we were on a muted FaceTime call. Am I being gas lighted? Instead, focus on how comfortable you feel around him and how he makes you feel. MOA, Ruby Thursday You can refer to, The following summaries about two goats in a boat will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. :strawberry: chi. I was in a PlayStation party with my boyfriend and his four friends. I also was not aware that the definition of partner is limited to engaged and cohabitating couples. For me, I have doubts over how genuine the LW is being when she says she was trying to help. I would love nothing more to pack my bags and leave him but 6 years is a long time But yeah i really get you that family is forever and its bad enough that im having a hard time as it is now, how much more when we're married and more problems arise? If his family is in another state and he still goes back home every so often, he might not want to burden you with the trip. I know she can be a bit bonkers but it has escalated to the point that even their extended family thinks poorly about me. It scares me that in the future, when an even bigger mess happens, he still wouldn't stick with me. Your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that's not more of an issue? Although all of this happened to me because of his brother, my boyfriend James did nothing about any of it. I would NEVER ask him to disown his brother, but at the same time, I cannot have a relationship with his brother ever again, an this has torn James and me apart. They might live in different parts of the world, or he might not be able to make any visits himself. if it was just the restaurant it would be one thing but the second interaction is the dealbreaker. Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child. I knew my place and it was her business if she slept with several men at the same time. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Ruby Thursday In time, I realized that James does have my back, he is just in a very hard situation. Now I also have no idea what the issues you are having with his family. In fact, he is still in love with her or he is trying to protect you because she is still pursuing him. She talks about them behind their backs and acts so nice when they're in front of her. I just want him to tell his sister to back off. In fact, he might still be seeing her off and on. This might be a bit of a different perspective, but I'd absolutely dump an SO who can't get along with my family or goes so far as to hate them. Knowing that he has anger issues, why would she think it was OK to do that? You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about ugg mini goat color will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. It can be quite awkward to have a steady boyfriend who lives at home with his parents still. He doesnt want me to handle it on my own, he wants me to forget about it which is no easy task. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesn't defend me in front of his friends. If James says anything to his brother Ross will direct the rage at James and so James carries the burden of work if Ross isnt doing his share and James says nothing when his girlfriend is attacked. It is what it is. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. 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